In the Family Way Lyrics
(Do the) Rock of Ages
Mary was a groovy chick
Joseph he was really hip
But neither of these two could say
How she got in the family way
What you gonna tell your Ma?
What you gonna tell your Pa?
They didn't know what to say to them
So they boogied on down to Bethlehem
Do the Rock of Ages,
Do the Bethlehem Bop
Do the Rock of Ages,
Hurry to the Holy Hop
When they got there it sure looked bad
They could not find themselves a pad
They asked a man bur he said "Naw
There ain't no room at the coffee bar"
Now Mary said "Now dig this Clive
I'm up the spout and all that jive
He says "Hard cheese, that's the rule
But you can use the garage and they said, "Cool"
So Mary had a little kid
And I don't mean a goat if you thought I did
She wrapped that babe so small and teeny
If a yellow polka dot bikini
Three wise guys thanked their lucky star
When the found the garage by the coffee bar
"Come on Daddy-o don't be selfish
Where's the King, and we don't mean Elvis"
Well up the hill at twelve o'clock
The shepherds rocked around the flock
Then down came this Holy Roller
Says I've got the best news since Pepsi-Cola
So now all these shepherd geezers
Wanted to rock the Baby Jesus
After they'd done that for a while
They said "See you later, crocodile"
So if you want to be with it
You'll make JC a great big hit
Make him number one on your jukebox
And we'll all do the Rock of Ages Rock
We Did It Sideways
And now - the end is nigh,
Our business soon - will be completed,
But e'er - we say good-bye,
We've this to add - so please stay seated.
Now we - have hunted crabs,
Both from the shore - and in the tide ways,
But more, much more than that,
We did it side-ways.
What is a crab - what have it got,
If not eight legs - then it is not.
What e'er its part - in the creation,
Still that is not - a true crustation.
The way to tell - is like ourselves,
They do it side-ways.
Cuz yes - I've had a few,
But then again - too few to mention,
They taste - of nought at all,
And always give - us indigestion.
So when - we near King's Lynn,
Where they are served - in funny fried ways,
We snort - please pass the port,
And do it side-ways.
Once et a meal - they give us trout,
We ate it up - and spat it out,
And though they stayed - and called us selfish,
We would not eat - what is not shellfish,
We couldn't stop - we had to hop,
But did it side-ways.
They say - a man must do,
What he must do - that's why we did it.
We always - caught the crabs,
We're proud to say - we never hid it.
We meet - young ladies sweet,
Who try to tempt - us in untried ways,
But always - love our wives,
And do it side-ways.
And now - the end have come.
spoken: And none too soon in my humble opinion
The Trousers In Between
I got married yesterday to Miss Christina Chad
A virgin fair or at least that's what I reckoned
Though later she admitted that I'm not the first she's had
And truth to tell, well neither am I second
But she's been married seven times and each time she's been true
So when I heard the wedding chimes and claimed my bride I knew
That my darling Christine would have been entirely pristine
If it wasn't for the spouses in between
Now just the other week I had to go up north
To visit some poor relatives up there
Though normally I avoid the area of course
For I find their funny accents such a wear
But when you get to know 'em they're really not that bad
With someone posh to show 'em some improvement might be had
In Cheshire and in Lytham, you might do something with 'em
If it wasn't for the scousers in between
Now a chap must keep in shape if he's going to cut a dash
And I'm a real dash cutter you can tell
You have to watch your weight if you're going to cut a dash
A swell just cannot afford to swell
But some parts of a person are not so easily seen
The parts a person perches on if you see what I mean
But with a pair of looking glasses you could see just where your arse is
If it wasn't for the trousers in between
Am I boring you?
The Bonny Spotted Cuckoo
(Vocals: Ruby and P.C.Chubb)
On the 14th of May at the break of the day
With me gun of me shoulder to the woods I did stray
Pack of cards in me pocket me fiddle un all
And tucked down me trousers me long pig un all
I met a young girl with her cheeks as a rose
Says I can you tell me where the bonny black hair go
Well now me kind Sir I've not seen it today
But I saw it last Tuesday over Gimmingham way
Oh no I insisted you misunderstand
Tis on your Cuckoos nest that I would lay my hand
If thas Cuckoos you want Sir tis quite plain to me
That the best thing for you is to go climb a tree
My dear pretty maiden it is surely no riddle
Just allow me to play you a tune on my fiddle
But Sir since you have no baggage at all
Then this fiddle you play that must be wonderus small
I am sure that my wishes could fit in with yours
So my I suggest a game of all fours
Oh Sir I'm afraid that you must be some joker
For tis clear that the game you desire is poker
With that the girl turned away and was gone
Leaving this young man quite clearly undone
He took you his powder his bullets as well
The drew is ram rod and there shot himself
(Out on speech)
Well sung Ruby
Well sung yourself constable
Norfolk and Good
In praise of our county we're going to sing
Against this fine place we will not hear a thing
If you speak ill about it, you speak a falsehood
F or our native county is Norfolk and good.
Norfolk and good Norfolk and good
We are the boys who are Norfolk and good
Now Nelson from Norfolk he took on the world
Lady Hamilton thought him an absolute pearl
But Hardy said Nelson was misunderstood,
He reckoned his kissing was Norfolk and good
Now Kent have its hops and the Cornish their pasties
And Lancashire hot pot can be awfully tasty
In Cheshire there's cheese and in Yorkshire there's pud
But my wifes' old dumplings are Norfolk and good.
Now the rich folk of London our county have found
Which means that the houses cost thousands of pounds
They all feel at home in our neighbourhood
So we let them know that they' re Norfolk and good
Now our Norfolk turkeys are simply the best,
They sure knock the stuffing out of the rest
And if you tried one I'm sure that you would
Agree that our turkeys are Norfolk and good.
Norfolk and good, Norfolk and good,
We are the boys who are Norfolk and good.